Thursday, February 14, 2013

In the sanity of yourself

Aspergers is a very lonely thing. Even if you have your family, or a friend, or a lover; you are always alone. Alone in your world, alone in your thoughts, alone in your feelings. My world has never seen or felt anyone else's world. And no one can come into mine.

Sometimes it's fine. Some days are okay. Some days leave the bottle empty. Sometimes days are good, sometimes I feel connected. Others I'm just empty, exhausted from the wars in my head. Too tired from feeling everything. Too tired of waiting. My brain stops working at overload. I'd rather be alone for ever than just waiting. So I stop, I stop finding things to wait for. Don't set timers when I cook, don't order delivery, don't call people and tell them to call me back. Stop calling people. Stop asking things. Don't assume anything.

Because even though I've given up, I'm still waiting. I can give up on you, but I can't give up on waiting. And when the waiting is finally over, I'm done with you.

I stay here in my hole, no matter what I told myself I would do. No matter how I wanted to get back at you.

Another glass of wine please.

It's hard enough. I already told you it was hard enough. I'll be here forever waiting for you if you keep me in your heart. Keep me just to get what I give you. I'll just continue to shake while you take take take. I'm not to good at forgiving, but I know I can't forget.

I can however, forget you.