Sunday, July 20, 2014

What it said

Sometimes you are lucky, sometimes you are not. Sometimes you work really hard for something you never get.

Sometimes I'm insensitive, and blind at the same time. I try my best to learn from my mistakes, but quite often I've had to make them all over again. I can't say I'm entirely secure with who I am, because I don't feel in the past I've been everything I could have been.

I'm a chalk board, ready for erasing, starting over, creating something new. Is it terrible to say I don't really know who I am quite yet? I think I can be better. I think I can be stronger, wiser, and more clever. I could be more kind if I tried, and I'd like to be a little tougher.

So no, I'm not done growing, not done changing. I will always try to be a better person than I was the day before. Will that always work? Probably not. My temper gets lost in emotions, my mind gets lost in sadness, and my heart gets lost in the moment.

I'm not sure how to stop dragging the guilt and remorse I have for past mistakes around with me. Maybe I don't need to, maybe it makes me the person I am. I can't make someone forgive me, can't make them love me. I have to be content with my guilt, or else I won't ever be content at all.