I think for anyone in this world, it's hard to be let down. But I think for people with Aspergers it's 100 times worse. We have already planned you in our day, you fit in-between 7:16 and 8:44, you mess that up and we are already in for an anxiety attack. Second, it's so hard to tell when people are being honest with you. You just have to assume as you live your day to day life, that people are not playing you like a ping pong table. You have to assume that when your father says that he wants to see you for the first time this year, and that he is coming to pick you up at noon, that he will just as sure as the sun came up that day at 7:46, he will be there. But he doesn't show up, and you sit at the window looking for the next 7 hours getting exited at every car that passes by, because it might just be his. You have to assume that when he calls three weeks later, he really was sorry, because you can't tell.
I've always been a stickler on time, I already have a time I need to leave twelve hours before it's time to think about leaving. And yes, I have a time when it's 'time to think about leaving'. I have a time to put on my shoes, and if I'm too quick I have to wait until it's time to grab my keys. And I time how long it takes me to get out of my gate, it's about 85 seconds; but that is when I go over the speed bumps at 17 miles per hour. But that is only after I started the car, and am backing out. If you count the time it takes to lock the door and take the steps to the car it's another 47 seconds, assuming I lock it correctly. Don't mess with my time.
It's been the hardest times in my life when I learn that people who are suppose to be close to me are actually not even trying to be my friend in the first place. Like when you try so hard to be someones friend, and you take weeks and sometimes months learning their facial expressions, and what they like to do, and what seems to make them mad, and they turn around do something so mean to you and say you were never friends in the first place. I hate having girl friends for this.
I melt, I melt so far down, I don't get back up again for a while. It's like you took the very ground I was walking on and shook it like a rug, pulled it out from under me, and created a black hole I fell into when I was falling on my ass. And in that black hole, I'm freaking out; I have no idea how to find myself. I don't know where I am going, and all I can think to do is let that black hole take me.
What is it like for you?
Same. I get mild panic attacks when people let me down or are late. I was trying to explain to my boyfriend tonight as he's getting less and less tolerant of me.....although I tell him that I cant help it Ive always been like it, and maybe HE should try and be a little more communicative. I explained that I take things that people say for face value. If you say you'll call after 9 - I am then looking foward so much to 9 to happen.....and then each 5 minutes that goes past I start feeling let down more and more....and then start feeling agitated. and then pacing up and down and getting breathless. Then I could almost cry and then I feel furious and so angry with the other person....and then think "WHAT are they up to" (This reaction is because my boyfriend lies to me a lot - its because Im Aspie that Ive caught him out....because what he tells me doesn't make sense and doesnt add up with what he's already told me. Often I am gobsmacked when he denies having said the original thing. And I then have to use my system of "Yes, you did, it was when...... and then......." to jog his memory. For goodness sakes, why cant you just remember things like I can. SO frustrating!!!. I get so down, I literally cannot function. Cant even open the post as the thought of its contents being too much to cope with - its bad. And an awful case of bullying for me at my last place of work....I had to leave for the good of those bullies because they were being so so so unfair and sneaky for months I often felt like I might just pull the computers out of the walls Thats what its like for me.
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