Monday, September 29, 2014


If being happy is a choice, I don't feel like I'm good at making choices lately. It seems strange to ignore the fact my relationship is changing, and growing out of the honeymoon phase. It's not fun anymore, you have to force it. Put a drink and a good location and it can be done....sometimes. He doesn't randomly let you know he loves you. Doesn't go out of his way to make your day. And if you are lucky, you won't fight. Lucky if you don't think the your world as you know it is slowly leaving.

You don't wake up to being held anymore, knowing the day is going to be fine just simply because he's there. Reality, is just that it is real life. To think you can live in fantasy every day for the rest of our life is absurd. You can pretend everything is okay all you want. It doesn't change anything.

It's a feeling of being somewhat cheated. You didn't call the bluff, and now your all in, about to loose the game, or just give up while you are still standing. You fell for something that wasn't there.

Now are you going to choose happiness? Being content with the change? It's a choice now, one you don't make a good bargain for. But I've come this far, and a lot more to loose than gain at this moment. It isn't the worst I've ever had...but doubtedly the best. And I'm one for striving

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry to hear that you are having trouble, but marriage is not always easy. You have to keep working at it - not get complacent and just assume the other person is going to be there. Communication is key and if you aren't communicating, get some help from a professional. Also I think it goes in cycles too - your marriage isn't happening in a vacuum and there may be other stressful things happening that are taking priority right now - I hope that you are able to work things out. Good Luck.